Monday, 14 October 2013

Shatter Me (Shatter Me, #1) by Tahereh Mafi

Juliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.

The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn’t hurt anyone else, no one really cares. The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17-year-old girl. Diseases are destroying the population, food is hard to find, birds don’t fly anymore, and the clouds are the wrong color.

The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things, so they threw Juliette in a cell. Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war – and The Reestablishment has changed its mind. Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body. Maybe she’s exactly what they need right now.



Cover impressions:

FRONT: Not pretty but is it me or the model looks kind of pouty and fiery?










AHHH!!! GIMME IT NOW!!! Sounds rather kickass-y, right?! 


I seriously take back my word.

Please, Juliette. Stop being a whiny brat. Or bitch.

Like I mentioned, I’ve been expecting a rather kickassy heroine. But what did I get?

A simpering whimpering six year old spirit stuck in a seventeen year old girl’s body. Want an example?

Pg 3

Boy comes into her cell room.

It’s her supposedly her new cellmate!

*Freaks out*
Help! Help! Oh help!!! They wanna murder me. I’m stuck with a BOY!!! Waaa…

Boo—freakin’—hoo. Too bad. Seriously, have you ever met a seventeen year old girl that acts like that? Seriously? I’m rolling my eyes at the impossibility. Apparently, Juliette is an example of how nothing is impossible.

Oh well, moving on. The next thing she did after freaking out was… Guess, guess, guess.

1) Try to get a grip of herself for being so ridiculously dumb

2) Shamelessly check him out and decide she’s gonna love him

If you chose option 2 then congrats! You got it correct.

Meanwhile option 1 seems the logical one and that would be what most heroines would do, even the pretty idiotic ones, Juliette freakin’ chose option 2. I don’t know to laugh or scream.

(Coz it may help regain your common sense. Wait. Do you even have some in the first place?)
Ooh… lean muscles up his arms and legs and bla bla bla. Look at his eyes! It’s such a deep dark blue… So soulful looking!!!

I sound like a bitch right now.

And then there is this part. I think it’s right after the checking-Adam-out part, I can’t remember. So when Adam came into the room, he decides he’d be an ass. He pushes Juliette's bed together with his and jumps onto it like he's the king. But here's the catch. What did the little piece of patheticness do?
1) “Get your damned ass of my bed!”

2) “…”

Congrats! You passed. I don’t even need to tell you the answer.

She just freakin’ scuttled to a corner and just watched Adam do it, with her innocently big eyes— Pah. Don’t bother to imagine. One word to describe her which is so very accurate I’m glad it existed is spelled with an S. E. L. F. P. I. T. E. O. U. S. To be dead blunt and honest, I don’t know what Warner and Adam see in her. But I like Warner, though. Shoot myself in the face honest. Dear Warner, never mind. You can choose me if she doesn't choose you. Back to her pathetic problem. After she scuttles to one corner like a spider, she’s all pathetically thinking, I have nothing but the floor. I will have nothing but the floor. I will have nothing and solely and only the floor.

Girl, of course you’ll only have the floor. What else do you expect to have if you don’t stand up for yourself?

I’m done with Juliette’s pathetic character. Let’s move on to da… INSTA-LUV!

Okay. I’ve read numerous books that has insta-loves in them but I didn’t mind them as much as I did this. Apparently, they’ve known each other since they were 9 years old and our dear Juliette claims that Adam is the only one who doesn’t shy away from her, even with her lethal power so he understands her, stuff like that. Uhhh yes, and from what I see, it looks like they’ve been in love since they were 9 years old. Oh wow. Goodie me.

Adam? Oh, sorry.  I’ve been team Warner even before we even get to meet him.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand let’s move on to da WRITING!!

From what I see, it’s either a pass or fail.

And for me, it’s a fail.

It’s as if the author is trying to invent some kind of unique, special writing but ended up failing. It sounds ridiculously cheesy, I’m telling you. There was one phrase that went something like ‘it was as if I swallowed a toothpick’. I supposed it meant that she could not speak or something but that’s not the main thing. A TOOTHPICK stuck in Juliette’s throat. Smooth. Real smooth. May I ask, what would a toothpick be doing in her throat?

And there was this sentence that went, ‘My jaw is sitting on my kneecaps’. Kneecaps. Why kneecaps of all things? What about ‘My jaw is sitting on my ass’? That's smoother, anyway.
The strikethroughs added fuel to fire. It just made me itch to deduct one whole star. If you haven’t read the book but you plan to, let me just give you want piece of advice: don’t read the strikethroughs. I read ‘em and guess what? It increased my hatred for Juliette by 50%. Literally.

Anyway, the author’s style of writing is very important to me. Why? Because when you read, your brain processes the words into stuff you can understand and that includes images. The choice of words, structure of sentences therefore is crucial to me. First off, they must make sense and is easy to understand. I can’t emphasize this hard enough. Toothpick lodged in the throat?

Brain: Master, I’m sorry. I don’t know how a toothpick in the throat feels like.

Unless you’re Laini Taylor or even Maggi Stiefvater, don’t invent your own style of writing. I’m not trying discouraged anyone from doing that but if your writing isn’t supremely good, just write normally would do. Because you’ll end up like the author’s awkward crap-infested writing style if you do.

Okay, so I’ve finished my little rant now.  Let’s move on to the brighter side of the story, yes?


2. Kenji

3. James

4. The medical twins. Sophie and… who’s that again?

5. All the characters except Juliette and Adam

That two murdered and butchered the whole story flawlessly with a remarkable skill. If it wasn't narrated by Juliette, this book would be like a million times better. The plot and the concept of the book were potentially pretty good, rather interesting and intriguing and that’s how this book saved itself from 0 stars. Yes, ma’am, 0 stars exist for me. Not forgetting the rest of the secondary characters. And some primary ones. Basically, everybody except… Yeah, you know who. I seriously loved some of the other characters. Kenji! I love ya. Warner! I LUV YA!!! James! Come here boy, I’ll give ya a big hug! Nice boy. Just don't be like your brother when you grow up. 

I’m done with the review. I've written about a thousand over words. THAT is an accomplishment, no thanks to Juliette and the toilet-poop wunnerful prose.
1.75/5 Stars

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